So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersein, adieu..

Well, after some deliberation and soul-searching, I have made a decision that, to be honest, has been coming for some time. Everything has its time and its place, and unfortunately, this blog has had its time and its place, and so, after almost 3 years, 119 posts, 88,464 words, and a whole lot of fun along the way, I've decided to end my blogging days.

Its not a decision I have taken lightly, however to tell you the truth, its become more of a chore than a hobby, and thats always a bad sign.

I've had fun doing it, and I hope you have gained some form of entertainment reading it too. We've gone through some of the strangest and brilliant moments of my life, from my pretty horrific operation, bad job interviews, poor Villa results, and a failed relationship, to passing exams, getting a great job, watching the Villa in Hamburg, and going on the greatest holiday I have ever been on, I think its fair to say I've took you to heaven and hell, and its been a fun journey.

Obviously, this news is going to make big headlines. The internet will suffer as a result, as people just won't know what to do with themselves, without hearing my pearls of wisdom every time they log on the site, but I have full faith in humanity, that they will find a way around this devastating news and move on with their lives, just as I am doing.

I will leave the site open for a few weeks, if not to have a last bit of banter with the banal Andy Pearce (oh, how I will miss those hypocritical jibes at my character), or even the lovely people in my office, who get so bored at work, that they feel the need to beat their heads against the keyboard until words appear on my shoutbox, but for all the fans that just want to write down some of my classic yatterings, so they may take a piece of me with them on their life journey!

Anyway, thats about it from me. Like I said, it has been a great experience for me, but life moves on, and unfortunately for me, that doesn't involve this blog. However I thank all my thousands of visitors and fans for their continued support. Who knows, maybe The Beagle will turn up on some other medium......Radio?.......TV maybe?

For one last time, TTFN!

The Stag Party

During my absence from this comforting corner of cyberspace, there has been a wedding in our little group. Yes, the brave young souls of Jenny and Marcus have tied the knot, but that is to be dealt with in a later post, as, first up, we have the ritual stag party, and all the fun of the fair!

It was my first stag party, and so I didn't really know what to expect, which I always think is the best way to deal with any new situation you find yourself in. So, a few weeks ago, me, Gareth (you remember him, beardy bloke, used to write stuff on a site just like this one, only a little bit more about him), Adam, Carl and John all piled into Gareths car and toddled up to Liverpool for the weekend of fun, frivolity and....well anything else we could get away with!

First on the agenda was clay pigeon shooting in chester. Now, having never been the sort of chap to shoot any kind of clay ornaments, I've only got my Dad's experiences to go on, when he used to go on these kind of expeditions, pre-health and safety (yes, before those yellow jacketted people stole our youth and happiness!), and he used to come home black and blue, as the shotguns they used were alot heavier than our modern equivalent. So it was fair to say I was expecting at least a dislocated shoulder and a fair amount of bruising!

As it was, I got neither (which wasn't meant to sound disappointing!), but instead found a tendency to smash Granny's plates as they came hurtling through the air, which is always something to be proud of, unless you happen to be reading this, recruiting for the front line, in which case I didn't hit a single thing, then lost sight in one eye! We were split into two teams, which almost always means I end up on the losing team, which was no different here, however we all found comfort in the thought that, as Marcus was on the winning team, they obviously cheated their way to the title, which is probably not true, but we'll stick to our story eh!

From there, we all jumped back into our cars, and headed into Liverpool, Marcus now complete with varying bits of stag party paraphernalia, fake boobs, top hat, blow-up doll, ball and chain and t-shirt expertly made by Gareth and John, and the rest of us just glad it hadn't peed down on us while we were doing the more manual of our excursions of the weekend.

Now, having been a 'southern softie' and proud of it for these last 27 years, and having never been to Liverpool, and allowing the wonderfully 'truthful' media rule my thoughts on the area, I had imagined Liverpool to be some wasteland, run by some Mad Max-style vigilantes driving Vauxhall Nova's, stealing hubcaps whilst wearing shellsuits and saying 'Ay Ay Ay' alot, but to my happy amazement, the city itself is a fantastic city to visit. I never expected there to be such a mix of old and modern buildings, and certainly didn't expect there to be such a massive entertainment district, with more bars than you could shake a drunk stag at.

Our hotel, if you could call it that, was, unfortunately a big minus point. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, other than the fact that it constantly reminded me of one of those dirty american motels, where hundreds of people either kill themselves or each other, each year! For some reason, the walls were painted using paint that had clearly missed the paint chart by a good few feet, and instead just shouted colours at you as you walked down the corridors. Not to mention the toilets that were straight out of a japanese bullet train, plastic from floor to ceiling, and no room to swing an imaginary cat, yet alone anything else. Having said that, it was a cheap place to lay your head, so long as you intended to have a good wash when you got home!

So, onto the evening entertainment, and after going to an amazing indian restaraunt, and making Marcus eat a chilli, which blew his head off, we headed into the city centre, and visited various bars, only stopping to have our photos taken with various hen parties touring the city. We ended up going into the Cavern Club, which I've always wanted to do, although the real Cavern Club is closed now, due to those lovely people in health and safety (I mean, who REALLY needs a fire exit nowadays!). We wanted to see a band playing in the club, but not seeing one in the main room, yours truly spotted an annexe and a bouncer, which usually means there is a VIP section and/or a private party. So, after sweet-talking the bouncer, I managed to get us into the private party next door, so we could watch the show, which was a part-stage production/part-60's music festival show, which was really good.

From there, we ventured onto the main event of the evening. Now, it wasn't quite up to the Peppermint Hippo standards that some of us may be used to (mentioning no names!), but it was good fun, especially watching as Marcus went through his ritual humiliation, live on stage....which is all I shall say on the internet!!

After that, we finished the night off in another bar, then headed back in the rain to our hotel/motel/murder-tel, which wasn't too far away, although it seemed like miles in the pouring rain!

In the morning, we dragged ourselves up and out to get some breakfast from the Docks, which was really nice, then Marcus wanted to go for a wander, which was when our stag party went a little.....differently.

Marcus loves his big organs..........especially the biggest one in Liverpool Cathedral, so we all trundled up there and had a wander round the place, which is absoutely spectacular, and well worth a visit. The organ itself is a magnificent piece of manufacturing, but I won't bore you with the details, as it is stupid 'o' clock in the morning while I'm writing this and I am pretty tired, but thanks to Gareth we got a chance to have a look 'backstage' at all the workings of the machinery, which was really interesting.

Not to be outdone, we then went and had a look at the modern Metropolitan Cathedral, which is fascinating, mainly as it is a modern Cathedral, but also as, when we went in there, they were holding a choral practice, so it was very ethereal and stunning really.

From there, and safe in the knowledge that we were probably the first stag party to end up in 2 cathedrals on the same day, we headed back to the cars, and went on our merry way, back to normality, and ready for the wedding of the year!

TTFN!

Never fear, the Beagle is still here!

Ok, so maybe I haven't been updating this as often as I would have liked......ok I haven't updated it AT ALL for well over a month, and for that I apologise.

I could explain away the reasons for not updating it, citing lack of material, lack of time etc, but that would be a little bit of a fib. Truth is, I've had a very busy time of late, packed full of material, and odd little thoughts that would have left you as confused and enthralled as you usually do when you click onto my little site, and I have had bits of time scattered here and there to update this section of cyberspace, but truth be told, I've not made the effort, which is a shame really.

Over the next few weeks, however, I shall bring you bang up to date with my fun little existence on this odd little planet, and bring a bit of freshness to this page. I might even do a spot of decorating while I'm at it too, just to brighten up the place.

I think I was starting to get stuck in a bit of a routine, making this old blog a bit of a chore, which it shouldn't be, and this may be the alcohol talking, but I think we all need a bit of a revamp every now and then, and thats exactly what I've got in mind.

I may get political, I may comment on a vacuous celebrity or two, I may even discuss science, nature and the crazy world we live in. I may even go mad and talk about myself a bit, although that may be going a bit too far. Point is, this site is in need of a revamp, and we don't need another John's blog, or.....dare I say it.....Gareth's blog?

Think of it as my biggest mission yet!

Field Report: 'Project Anti-Wrinkle'

I have returned with news from the South Coast, sir. Having spent one week exploring the whole of East Sussex, and a little bit of West Sussex (Brighton was too much of a temptation), I have news of a war that has broken out to claim the seaside resort of Eastbourne back from the stereotypical wrinklies.

As you are aware, I departed my secret location the day after receiving my orders, travelling the 173 miles to Eastbourne, getting there mid-afternoon for my meeting with the contact, who handed over the keys to the apartment overlooking the sea (great views, might I just add, own private beach, you do spoil me!).

The apartment itself is 2 miles outside the centre of Eastbourne, and was purposely built, very much like Dickens Heath, a self-sufficient town within a town, with its own marina, shops, restaraunts etc. The main thing I learned over and over again this week was that Eastbourne is the sunniest part of the UK, FACT. It gets more sun per year than any other place in the country, which is due to its location, the fact that it is protected by cliffs, so it rarely gets bad weather. This is probably why alot of elderly or retired people go to live there, as its such a seemingly pleasant place to live, which it is.

However as I said, there is a war breaking out over the town, between the young and old generations of this great nation. We stayed in Sovereign Harbour, which is very much geared towards the younger, family market, and people who commute into London every day to work. It is also attracting quite an affluent population, with the marina purposely built for large yachts and powerboats, some of which were simply stunning. The fact that we spotted dozens of expensive cars from Monaco and Marbella proves that point.

The elderly residents tend to stay in the centre of Eastbourne, and this is where the battle takes place. These residents are fairly stuck in their ways and like Eastbourne as it used to be back in the 70's and 80's heyday, and unfortunately to this end, thats where alot of Eastbourne has stayed. To be fair they have tried to modernise the town, with a few new shopping arcades dotted around to bring a bit of life back to the place, but unfortunately this has not livened it up as much as Brighton has done so magnificently. There is a ray of hope, however, in the form of some surprising comrades. Chavs have descended on Eastbourne, for the 'cheap'n'cheerful' resort it is, and as much as we all want to use them for an alternative to fossil fuels, they do serve a bigger, better purpose, with their giros at the ready.

This band of low-grade citizen bring the need for the town to provide some slightly better, and 'easy' shops, such as the Primark, TJ Hughes and Wilkinsons of the world, which they have done quite easily, meaning there is now an incentive for people to come into the town centre, and see what else the town has to offer. There are just enough decent shops to keep them here for a couple of hours as well, and of course as money breeds money, the fact that people have been lured into the town to spend at the above stores, means other stores get their custom too, which of course brings in more people as word of mouth spreads like swine flu!

So, the battle lines have been drawn, and its pretty even at the moment, the chavs have brought a younger, fresher feel to the place, but it is a tired town, most notably at Eastbourne's pier, which is currently up for sale for the sum of £5m.

In other parts of East Sussex, seaside resorts are getting the right idea, although some places (St Leonards on Sea and Hastings) could do with a major investment to get the young crowds back. One of the best seaside resorts, apart from Brighton which just blew me away as it should probably be renamed London-on-Sea as alot of it is like walking down oxford street or covent garden, is the beautiful resort of Bexhill, with its famous De La Warr Pavilion, which was built in 1935 and is an amazing piece of post-modernist architecture. Bexhill is alot smaller than Eastbourne, but has a really good mix of old and new shops, and is the self-confessed home of motor racing.

Going inland, there is an eclectic mix of wonderful English country village life, one of which, Alfriston is very picture-postcard and well worth the visit. Also in this category, and possible favourite village must go to Rye, which, as those of you of an 80's persuasion may be aware, was the setting for the legendary Mapp & Lucia TV series, which starred three legends of British TV, Nigel Hawthorne, Prunella Scales and Geraldine McEwan. If you've never watched it, nor heard of it, think of it as a more tongue-in-cheek version of Jeeves & Wooster. Anyway, the books were written by E F Benson, who was the Mayor of the village while he was writing them, and its still as picture-postcard perfect as it was back in his time as mayor, although I have to admit wandering the streets in awe of the fact that the houses in the TV series are exactly the same now as they were then!

As experiences go, the highlight of the mission had to be the visit to Battle, where of course the battle of Hastings was fought. We went around the battlefield with an audio tour, which was just amazing, even though alot of the land was 'stacked' in the years after the battle in order for the Abbey to be built on the hill next to the castle. Most of it, though, is untouched from 1066, and as you walk round the fields, you get an amazing sense of what took place, and a definitive reason to laugh at the BNP and its 'morals' even more!

Beachy Head was also on the tour of the region, and was a big disappointment. I went on the day of the funeral for that couple that jumped to their deaths recently, and looking at where they jumped off, health and safety would have a field day, as all that comes between you and a few hundred feet drop to the rocks below, is a small brown sign, with a hand written note saying 'cliff edge'. I kid you not!

The village itself, like most villages I saw, kept both young and old happy with its mix of shops, pubs and restaraunts, and it for this reason, and the fact that Sovereign Harbour is expanding at the rate of knots (my one maritime joke of the day!), which leads me to conclude that in the coming years, Eastbourne will be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century, so long as the throngs of Londoners that swell the crowds on sunny days and holidays, continue to travel in their masses.

So, theres my report on sunny Eastbourne, oh and before I forget, thanks for the air support...

TTFN!

Mission Possible?

Ah, Agent Beagle, so good of you to join us once again. It appears we have another mission for you. Word has got round of your recent success in saving the 80's spirit at a birthday party a number of weeks ago, and it seems you are in demand. We have a new mission for you....

Codenamed 'Project Anti-Wrinkle', you shall leave base on Saturday morning, drive 173 miles due south of your location, skimming Heathrow and Gatwick Airport along the way, entering your location around three and a half hours later, where you will disembark and meet your contact, who will give you the keys to an apartment overlooking the beach.

Your contact will then provide you with a set of detailed scematics of the area in which you will work, but for the purposes of preparation for your visit, and due to the secure line we are transmitting on, we shall provide you with outline details of your mission. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to reclaim Eastbourne from the Granny-parade reputation it has with the great British public. You shall have one week to find out as much information as possible about the seaside resort, then visit as much of East Sussex as possible in order to improve the UK's attitude to the location, and to report back on the town's redevelopment progress, as it looks to finally reclaim the modern tourist market.

We have full faith in you, Agent Beagle, and you have our full backing to provide any assistance you require, including air support and ground troops, however we do advise you avoid Beachy Head on a windy day.

Good Luck Beagle, we are all counting on you, your country needs you now more than ever.



Looks like I'm off to Eastbourne then! Speak to you in a week!

Summer, Baby, Yeah!

Greetings one and all, I have returned after an absence which can all be explained in an instant, you see I've got an exam coming up on Monday and so I have been cramming like a crab trying to get into a very tiny lift, whilst carrying heavy shopping bags, therefore I've had very little time to do anything else!

But I have managed to find 5 minutes to give you a brief update of my time on this funny little planet of ours.

Summer has finally arrived, Whoop, although it is going to be a bit cold over the next week or so, so I hope you enjoyed summer while it was here! Ah summer, the joys it brings, making ugly women look cute, cute women look hot, hot women look gorgeous, and making blokes look a bit sweaty!

I left you last time on the verge of grasping the 80's spirit back from doom after Kelly McGillis broke many a mans heart. Well on that weekend a party was had, and some photos are on facebook for you all to see. I must say I did like my hat, never been a big 'hat' person, but felt in the spirit of the 80's as everyone who went to the party got fully into the spirit of things and really did look the part. We even popped back to my cousins house the following day and had a nice spot of lunch and a ride down the thames in their boat, which was brilliant!

Nothing major is going on with me at the moment, or at least nothing I can think of, work is going really well, and thankfully the football season is over, with villa slumping to a deserved 6th place.

Thankfully Gareth Barry has left us in the same way as other players have in the past, citing their need to be with a 'bigger team' playing Champions League football, then joining a much smaller team for double the money who aren't even near to europe! Bless him though, I'm sure he'll love counting his pennies for years to come.

Anyway thats enough from me, got cramming to do. Blog again soon, ttfn!

For those of an 80's era, look away now..

I have some dreadful news to break to those who have not heard the biggest story to break in the last couple of weeks, something that puts swine flu, the budget and Madonna's baby-stealing in the shade.

As you will all be aware, Top Gun was one of the biggest films ever to grace our screens in the 80's, mainly because its one of the rare few times where you can say that Tom Cruise could actually act, but also because of one woman, Kelly McGillis. She, with her swishy hair, lingering looks and all-in-one denim outfit, stole many a weak bloke's heart (and probably quite a few strong blokes too), however those men will have been quivering with fear at where their life went wrong when she announced to the media the other day, that she bats for the other team, and probably always has!

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!! Kelly, what have you done to us!?

Now, every man has to do some serious soul-searching to get over this. Maybe we should start a facebook group, or have regional meetings to talk through this epic news. Could it be that Tom Cruise tried it on with her, and she was so against joining his little band of alien-loving hippies that she turned altogether!? We shall never know, all we can do is stay strong for each other, and always remember that we probably preferred Jessica Rabbit more!

There is a hope, however. As those special few who know me so well will testify (possibly to a court of law one day), I have a love for the 80's that knows no boundaries, and I shall not let this grave news deter me from my chosen path, to celebrate the 80's forever and a day, starting with this saturday. It is my cousins birthday, and she is having an 80's theme party with a whole bunch of people, including yours truly. My outfit is ready, and thanks to those lovely people at asos.com, I have found probably the most legendary 80's t-shirt I have ever seen. So I shall leave for a weekend of fun and frivolity, and reclaim the 80's as best I can, hoping beyond hope that others will follow my lead by making the rest of this year as 80's as we can.

As Barack Obama once said to me, when I asked him if I could help him reclaim the 80's spirit, 'Yes we can'!

In other news, the powers-that-be at london midland have decided to install electronic barriers at several stations including snow hill, where I get the train. All is going well for those of a technological nature, or even a logical nature judging by some, however last Thursday was the first day when they came into operation, as I was quite proud that, not only did the barrier work for me, but I didn't need any help from the helpful staff at the barrier.

However, that didn't stop a rather rotund woman behind me, who was late for her train, and didn't think that it would matter that the barriers (which are solid steel with a solid plastic coating) were really for her, quickly flashed her ticket at the poor chap who was busy watching me go through the barrier and who only had a nano-second in which to say 'wait a minute, you have to use the barrier. Just put your ticket in the slot and the barrier will open', which came out as 'Wai....' as he was cut off by the sound of the foulest language I've ever heard shouted by someone who is really old enough to know better. I turned around quickly, as did everyone else, including two startled policemen, to see this woman wedged inbetween the barriers, as she had stupidly thought she could squeeze through after I'd got through. The barriers had closed on her rather large stomach and as she was straddling either side of the half-closed barrier, couldn't move either way!

I really hope she didn't make her train, just for the comic punchline!

TTFN!