Just call me Thomas Engert-Botham!

Greetings loyal, devoted readers (wake up at the back!), its time for a brand new post, delayed for a few days as theres been alot going on in the beagle household!

Right first things first, we'll start where we left it last time. On Thursday it was decided to give me another mass-beating at pool, this time with one extra member of the boys-club, who missed out on all the fun last time as he was on holiday. So off we trundled to the pub down the road, and no sooner had we started than the old magic had returned to me, leading till the black ball, then losing the match! The last game came in the round-robin tournament was against my good self, and the Uni chap I was talking to you about last time. Now, he is a bit of a cocky so'n'so, you know the kind, 19 and far too confident for his own good, so perfect material for army life, which is a good job as thats what he wants to do when/if he grows up.

Anyway, the game started as it usually does, me potting a couple of balls, then him potting half the table, leaving him with just one red, and the black ball obviously, and me with 5 balls and not a hope in hell. Well, the cocky little sod decided to try a trick shot to finish me off, when a perfectly easy chance arose, missed it and in went the white ball, so I had 2 shots. Cue scenes of sheer frustration as my snooker-playing days came back and I potted 5 balls in a row, left him an impossible shot to get to his remaining red, then polished off the black, just to rub it in.

The look on his face was just B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

So, on a high from that, the afternoon was spent wondering if my impending 1st month review (I know, a month done already!) was going to be my last, because lets face it, so far its been great!

It wasn't helped when my boss delayed the meeting it 4 times and didn't tell me the reason, which was that the meeting room was occupied, not that any of the other 8 meeting rooms would have done for what was essentially 'just a chat'! So that didn't help my nerves, however when I got in there, all fears went away. The meeting itself was a short affair, mostly spent listening to my boss telling me how great I was and an 'asset to the team', she then apologised for 'putting me in a job that clearly is below you', then praised me for doing an admirable job and being 'the most mature person the department has ever had', which I think means I'm cleverer than everyone else, but it could mean I'm just older, either way its good! I agreed with her as humbly as I could do, and then asked if I could be given a more important job to do, because after all, I had applied for two positions, one suited to my knowledge and qualifications, and the one I got! She agreed and said that she would be having monthly meetings with me to check that I wasn't getting too bored with it all, and would keep an eye out for any opportunities that came up, which is all I wanted to hear really.

Friday was much the same, we even went to play pool so that the cocky sod could try and get his own back, but we never played each other, so I had to settle on beating one of the other cocky teenagers in similar style, then losing to the shockingly bad other lad!

Saturday was a really good day. We went over to my cousins house to help out in her annual Cancer Research Garden Party, which is probably the most quintessential english thing you can get involved in, and one of the best events in the world where you can people-watch all day and entertain yourself endlessly. For example, every year, there are the characters of the village, those with hedge-funds and european holiday homes the size of a passenger ferry, who are obviously great people to know when you are having any charitable event. Take, for example, one of our favourite people to watch, the woman who has a new hat and outfit to match (but of course!), every season, the countless array of ex-army and navy personnel from the 2nd world war, who know the exact model of any plane that flies overhead just by the sound and tone of the engine, which is fantastic!, and of course, the mad elderly folk, who spend all their money on cream cakes and plants, then come back for a chat!

All in all we raised the most we've ever raised, a grand total of over £1,000 and the event was only open for a couple of hours, which is even more amazing and wonderful at the same time, as it was for a great cause.

Right, onto the next week, and work was piling up as we had a massive influx of new files coming into us from one of our insurance clients, so it was all hands to the pump. Now, because I was (and still am) an eager beaver to please those in power, a few weeks ago an email went round asking for volunteers for a cricket match against one of our clients, where there would be a free barbie afterwards. Combining two of my big passions, I thought it was a great idea to put my name down, because after all there was probably going to be loads of people wanting to do that (they seem the cricketing kind of bunch!), and so I would probably not be picked but be a good sport for putting my name down and get my name known around the place, which would be good for future promotions etc.......WRONG!

The email went round on Wednesday to let all chaps who put their name down that they were in the team, including me. The big problem with this was, not only was the game today, but everyone except for me knew they were in the team beforehand and had got their kit ready to put on and go to the game straight from work, as it all started at about 6.30. So, quick panic and fast train later and I managed to get to Harborne cricket clubs ground just as the game was about to start, made my introductions to everyone and set to work. Now, I've not played cricket fora good few years, but I was fairly good in the field, and alot fitter than I gave myself credit for, probably because I have a 15 minute walk from the station to work every day.

Now, lets face facts, in a match between Insurance Salesmen and Lawyers, it was more a case of 'who cares who wins', but I think the Insurance chaps had brought along some proper cricket chaps, coz they were bloody good. Off 20 overs, we expected to get a battering and for the first 6 overs, thats exactly what we got, but by the end of their 20 overs, they had posted a healthy 128 for 5. It worked as a round-robin kind of thing, whereby everyone would get a bat, and if u hit a 6, then that was your turn to walk off and let someone else have a go. There was this one bloke though, who must have gone to see Planet of the Apes and thought 'maybe that hairstyle would work', and it did because he had the face of a really beaten up ape, with the intelligence to match, a real cocky b*stard, who hit a very lucky 4 (I think it came off his giant forehead, either way he knew nothing about it!), then swung-and-missed 3 times before being cleaned bowled!

So then it was our turn to bat, I was to go in at number 6, which I was quite happy with because I thought by then, it would probably be dying a death and I could get away with fending a few off and possibly avoiding a big fat 0! Unfortunately, the game was well over by the time I trundled onto the pitch, we had been mauled by some poor shot selection and good bowling, and were struggling along at 30 for 4, and the worst thing was, the ape-boy was bowling... and getting wickets, so I had to either kill him by smacking the ball down his throat, hit him for 4 or 6, or just not get out to him at all.

I set myself up in the crease, had a bit of a look round, Kevin Pieterson-styley, not for any good reason other than I wanted everyone to think I knew what I was gonna do! So there I was, all set for, possibly my only ball to face, and down he came, bundling along with the worst bowling action I've ever seen, bowled it, and it didn't move much on the crease, which was a good sign as you can pretty much make up your mind what you are going to do before the ball hits the pitch, so I defended it and pushed it away for no run. Well this was going pretty well, one ball faced, so I'm guaranteed at least one more, not so bad after all! Another one faced...and pushed away for nothing, and the third one left as it was too far down the leg-side for me to have a go at, and the over was....over!

The next over came along and, after surviving an easy out appeal for lbw (we weren't playing lbw rules, but my foot bloody hurt!), I was on strike at the other end for the next over by the ape-boy.

The team-talk in the dressing room was to 'use the pace of the ball', which I had never really thought about until you are put in the situation, but thinking about the pace that the ball is coming at you at times, all you need to do is get a good contact on the ball and it will fly away, so put in the apes way again, he was using the same line as before, just tempting me outside the line of off-stump, so I thought 'what the hey, if I'm getting out, I'm gonna make a bloody good fight of it first', next ball that came along was in easy reach of me, so I just put the bat out in front of me in the general direction of the giant gap that they had helpfully left for me, and watched it fly to the boundary for 4 glorious runs!

...Oh the ape wasn't happy, but whatever he did then, I knew I had won in my own head, so thats all that counts, and I wasn't on 0, which was even better......however it didn't last for too long, next ball came, I tried the same shot but got a very fine nick on it. I immediately looked behind me, and seeing the wicket-keeper on the floor with the ball in his hand, thought he must have got it, so turned round for the dreaded finger of doom from the umpire, only for him to remain still.........the sound of the bails being knocked off meant only one thing, the bloody wicket-keeper had better reactions to me and stumped me, so I got myself out, the exact same way as I had last got out in a schools match god-knows-how-long ago for the magic number 0 in my first ball!

Well it was all good fun, despite us getting all out for 51, but we celebrated like we'd won the world cup when we got to 50, and had a good barbie afterwards, so it was all worthwhile!

The rest of the week's news was that I was contacted by Christies to let me know that they were shutting down their sporting department, so they would not be able to sell the rest of the football programmes, and so they have sent them onto another auction house, who have been in touch and will be selling them, possibly in the autumn, which is good as I sure as hell didn't want them back! Thursday was a gate-crashing evening. I dropped mom off at college as there was a summer ball going on, then went into solihull to have a chin-wag with a mate of mine, who used to also work at college, and who I hadn't seen in months, which was good, then we both went and had a bop in the summer ball afterwards, and I got to see loads of my ex-workmates, which was brilliant as they got to see what I looked like happy, and I got to tell them how much I was enjoying a) not working at college, and b) how much I was enjoying my new job, just to rub it in, as mates do!

Right, onto last week (Blimey, I'm fitting alot into one post!), and Wednesday was my Aunt's retirement presentation 'do' at her school, which was really good, as she got a glass shield from the school and a buffet, which was great for her. Friday was an 'interesting' one. My aunt on my Dad's side had died suddenly and it was her funeral, but it was no ordinary funeral, oh-no, it was a Humanist funeral, and that was an experience in itself! It was basically a non-religious service, as humanists believe that we only get one chance at life, and if you die, then thats basically your own fault so deal with it! Added to that, we had to sit in silence and listen to a depressing Daniel O'Donnell song, and walk out to 'My Sweetest Memory', by whoever sung that, and it all mounted up to one of the most emotional funerals I've ever been to, and I've been to alot of funerals!

Which brings me finally onto this week (woohoo, its almost the end of the post, for all of you who stayed till the bitter end, heres a cute picture of a bunny!

...who probably looks a bit like you do after reading this post!)

Right onwards and upwards then and this week started on Saturday (obviously!), as we had loads of work in and so I went into work and did some overtime, partly for the love of the job and the firm, but mainly because I really need to earn more money than they're paying me after taking a fair whack of a wage drop to get back on the career-ladder! That meant a busy week, at the end of which was another pool tournament, so off we trundled and one of the matches again was the much-awaited rematch from the first part of my post (do u remember that long ago? I'm struggling!), now I was badly off form, missing a load of easy shots, and so was waiting for the eventual beating when he got down to the black, cue cocky-b*stard, as he carefully picked his pocket (on the table, dirty minds!), and potted the black...........

......and the white.....

.....the teeny-boppers with their heads in their hands gave me the impression that I had somehow won, and so I had, mwahahahahahahahaha!

So thats the update that I'm sure uve not been waiting for, nor want to see the like of again, but I have had alot on my mind, of which I will tell you next week, so rest thy eyes and I shall blog soon....probably!!