'An orange, a giraffe, and an extra from 'Beetlejuice' all went for an interview...'

Right then, important blog time, my big interview on friday.

The interview was at 9.15 so I got the early morning rush-hour train (after collapsing at the £5 train fare!) to get me into birmingham for about 20 to 9, which gave me more than enough time to find the place, do some last minute brain yoga and confidently walk in, like I have done for every single interview, usually with no success but a knowing feeling that only one person is better than me at something!

The company is in brindleyplace, which as every midlander knows, is one of the more spectacular parts of the regeneration of the city centre, of which Beechcroft solicitors is right at the heart of, so i ambled along, through the ICC and over the canal to the huge building that sits next to the Ikon gallery, and in the same building as Raymond Blanc's restaraunt. I got the lift to the 4th floor and as I got in wondered why, as it was a modern building and seemingly modern lift, did the lift have no mirrors, so you can at least look half-respectable when you walk confidently into reception, but no matter, I'd just have to go for the sympathy vote as normal. The lift got to the 4th floor to which the voice in the lift got me ready to walk out, at which point this little comedy sketch began:

Lift voice: '4th Floor'
Me: 'Right, here we go, deep breath, you can do this....'
Lift voice: 'Doors opening'
Me: 'Ok, here we go' (stepping forward, expectantly)
..........silence...........
Lift voice: 'Doors Closing, going down'
Me, turning round to see the doors behind closing: 'Oh Sh*t!'

I managed to stick an arm out, stopping the doors from closing and sending me all the way back down (which may or may not have happened twice before!), and stumbled out into the foyer.

Walking into the reception area, I noticed 3 other people already seated, with name badges already on. They were to be my 'competition'. Now, conundrum for you, what exactly is the etiquette in these situation? Do you get extra marks for knocking one of your opponents out in the waiting room? Then I started to notice the other people and what the hell they looked like. The first lad had possibly the strangest perma-tan I've ever seen, it looked like he'd dyed his head in tea before he came out! The other lad looked like a giraffe on the way back from the opera, he was wearing a tuxedo shirt, huge pointy-out ears and a gormless look on his face, and the girl looked cute in an ugly way, but somehow had left the bottom part of her face on the bus, possibly after inserting the large pin through her upper lip, and therefore bursting the rest of her face! This was going well already! I didn't have long to think about that as we were called in fairly quickly to a large conference room with 2 large tables, at which 2 of us sat each. We were then given possibly the easiest admin tests ever, I swear, at one stage one of the questions was..

'Spot the odd one out: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, carrot, 70, 80' (obviously the answer was 70!)

So, after an hour of those brain-taxing exercises, the giraffe went for an interview and the rest of us sat in the waiting area to stew over the tests, and either wait for the interview and/or the IT test. I was left sitting there for an hour and a half as everyone else was seen before me and as my legs had started to go numb, I was pretty pleased when they eventually called me in for my interview....which was strange in itself.

I don't think I've ever had a more relaxed interview. I basically agreed with everything the HR girl said, because she just talked constantly throughout the interview. I had to interrupt her a few times to over-egg my interview technique, just to make sure that she knew there was another person in the room! The advantage to this was, that as she was so impressed with my CV (I am vastly overqualified for the position), she kept giving me broad hints about how they would fast-track me through the department and through the company when they thought I could handle my own caseload of litigation claims, as the position itself was a junior role, basically doing data input every day and helping out on some cases for major insurers.

The job doesn't pay very well at all, especially for someone of my 'standing' (again, her words, not mine, but who am I to argue!), but its a massive opportunity to get my foot in the door and really kick-start my career in a firm that openly promotes from within at the first chance, even creating positions out of thin air to keep the best candidates at the firm. So, after an IT test that for everyone else lasted 30 minutes, and for me, as I'd used the exact same system at every law firm I've been at, lasted 4 minutes (and we chatted for most of that!), I left and got the 1.30 train back home, where a lovely big fat cheque had arrived from those wonderful people from Christies, so wonderful in fact that they gave me even more than we were expecting, as we has basically calculated the 1.5% insurance and 15% commission on the whole consignment, rather than the individual lots auctioned. So, before I'd even had a chance to get home I dashed down to the bank, paid that in, hoping that the bank wouldn't think its a fraud to see that much money in there, and kick it out, arresting me in the process!

No sooner had I got back, than the HR girl called on my mobile to say...










.....I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!


Cue huge celebrations and an ego the size of Manhattan when I smugly told my boss at college of the good news. Cue strangely nice boss this week, it surely can't last!


P.S I am in stark danger of becoming that bloke from the Fast Show who always has all the luck no one else does, so you have been warned!!!!!