Field Report: 'Project Anti-Wrinkle'

I have returned with news from the South Coast, sir. Having spent one week exploring the whole of East Sussex, and a little bit of West Sussex (Brighton was too much of a temptation), I have news of a war that has broken out to claim the seaside resort of Eastbourne back from the stereotypical wrinklies.

As you are aware, I departed my secret location the day after receiving my orders, travelling the 173 miles to Eastbourne, getting there mid-afternoon for my meeting with the contact, who handed over the keys to the apartment overlooking the sea (great views, might I just add, own private beach, you do spoil me!).

The apartment itself is 2 miles outside the centre of Eastbourne, and was purposely built, very much like Dickens Heath, a self-sufficient town within a town, with its own marina, shops, restaraunts etc. The main thing I learned over and over again this week was that Eastbourne is the sunniest part of the UK, FACT. It gets more sun per year than any other place in the country, which is due to its location, the fact that it is protected by cliffs, so it rarely gets bad weather. This is probably why alot of elderly or retired people go to live there, as its such a seemingly pleasant place to live, which it is.

However as I said, there is a war breaking out over the town, between the young and old generations of this great nation. We stayed in Sovereign Harbour, which is very much geared towards the younger, family market, and people who commute into London every day to work. It is also attracting quite an affluent population, with the marina purposely built for large yachts and powerboats, some of which were simply stunning. The fact that we spotted dozens of expensive cars from Monaco and Marbella proves that point.

The elderly residents tend to stay in the centre of Eastbourne, and this is where the battle takes place. These residents are fairly stuck in their ways and like Eastbourne as it used to be back in the 70's and 80's heyday, and unfortunately to this end, thats where alot of Eastbourne has stayed. To be fair they have tried to modernise the town, with a few new shopping arcades dotted around to bring a bit of life back to the place, but unfortunately this has not livened it up as much as Brighton has done so magnificently. There is a ray of hope, however, in the form of some surprising comrades. Chavs have descended on Eastbourne, for the 'cheap'n'cheerful' resort it is, and as much as we all want to use them for an alternative to fossil fuels, they do serve a bigger, better purpose, with their giros at the ready.

This band of low-grade citizen bring the need for the town to provide some slightly better, and 'easy' shops, such as the Primark, TJ Hughes and Wilkinsons of the world, which they have done quite easily, meaning there is now an incentive for people to come into the town centre, and see what else the town has to offer. There are just enough decent shops to keep them here for a couple of hours as well, and of course as money breeds money, the fact that people have been lured into the town to spend at the above stores, means other stores get their custom too, which of course brings in more people as word of mouth spreads like swine flu!

So, the battle lines have been drawn, and its pretty even at the moment, the chavs have brought a younger, fresher feel to the place, but it is a tired town, most notably at Eastbourne's pier, which is currently up for sale for the sum of £5m.

In other parts of East Sussex, seaside resorts are getting the right idea, although some places (St Leonards on Sea and Hastings) could do with a major investment to get the young crowds back. One of the best seaside resorts, apart from Brighton which just blew me away as it should probably be renamed London-on-Sea as alot of it is like walking down oxford street or covent garden, is the beautiful resort of Bexhill, with its famous De La Warr Pavilion, which was built in 1935 and is an amazing piece of post-modernist architecture. Bexhill is alot smaller than Eastbourne, but has a really good mix of old and new shops, and is the self-confessed home of motor racing.

Going inland, there is an eclectic mix of wonderful English country village life, one of which, Alfriston is very picture-postcard and well worth the visit. Also in this category, and possible favourite village must go to Rye, which, as those of you of an 80's persuasion may be aware, was the setting for the legendary Mapp & Lucia TV series, which starred three legends of British TV, Nigel Hawthorne, Prunella Scales and Geraldine McEwan. If you've never watched it, nor heard of it, think of it as a more tongue-in-cheek version of Jeeves & Wooster. Anyway, the books were written by E F Benson, who was the Mayor of the village while he was writing them, and its still as picture-postcard perfect as it was back in his time as mayor, although I have to admit wandering the streets in awe of the fact that the houses in the TV series are exactly the same now as they were then!

As experiences go, the highlight of the mission had to be the visit to Battle, where of course the battle of Hastings was fought. We went around the battlefield with an audio tour, which was just amazing, even though alot of the land was 'stacked' in the years after the battle in order for the Abbey to be built on the hill next to the castle. Most of it, though, is untouched from 1066, and as you walk round the fields, you get an amazing sense of what took place, and a definitive reason to laugh at the BNP and its 'morals' even more!

Beachy Head was also on the tour of the region, and was a big disappointment. I went on the day of the funeral for that couple that jumped to their deaths recently, and looking at where they jumped off, health and safety would have a field day, as all that comes between you and a few hundred feet drop to the rocks below, is a small brown sign, with a hand written note saying 'cliff edge'. I kid you not!

The village itself, like most villages I saw, kept both young and old happy with its mix of shops, pubs and restaraunts, and it for this reason, and the fact that Sovereign Harbour is expanding at the rate of knots (my one maritime joke of the day!), which leads me to conclude that in the coming years, Eastbourne will be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century, so long as the throngs of Londoners that swell the crowds on sunny days and holidays, continue to travel in their masses.

So, theres my report on sunny Eastbourne, oh and before I forget, thanks for the air support...

TTFN!